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I Need a Voice - Weekly Update

 I confess: I have not completed my weekly goal yet. The thought of it filled me with dread, making it almost difficult to even breathe. I've always struggled with going out alone, but it got a lot worse a few years ago.  I had hit a good stride going for a walk every single day. It started with my daughter, and we would go on a roughly 30 minute walk, rain or shine. Then, she went off to University, and I continued it alone for a bit, slowly feeling more at peace with myself, until one day in particular.  I was walking along, enjoying the smells of nature, excited to get home and share my update in a Twitch channel that encouraged and motivated me to stick to my goal, when two voices drifted along to me. Two young men were walking behind me, talking loudly about how fun it would be to kidnap a female, and how easy it would be to do. I turned a corner, they followed.  I ended up going to a place with quite a few people around, and eventually they did leave, so I got ...
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Life with Social Anxiety

  I feel frozen in time. I don’t feel alive. I don’t feel human. I don’t feel like I deserve normal human things.  I have dreams. I have wants. I have needs. But it’s all so overwhelming, I don’t know where, or how, to start. Here I am, 40 years old, and what have I succeeded in? What do I have to show for it? A whole lot of nothing. I’ve done nothing special. I’ve achieved zero life goals.  I grew up kind of sheltered, didn’t have many friends, and was afraid of everything. Anything new caused such an immense amount of anxiety that my entire life has been finding ways to avoid things rather than live.  I never finished high school. There’s a host of reasons why, some in my control, some not. Or, at least, they felt out of my control at the time. Of course, now I can think of some things I could have done differently, but you know what they say about hindsight. It’s 20/20. Actually, I kind of hate that phrase, because in hindsight,  there’s still a lot that I do...
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